perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How's work?
Spinning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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