she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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