Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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