i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
