I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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