you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
