This girl is more easily done than said...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
