and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there was a trapeze. enough said
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
