the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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