Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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