your parents love me but you hate me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
