Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
