Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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