did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
