Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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