Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
