I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
