I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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