i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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