The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
