Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
