Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
