Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
