you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
