I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
