I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
