That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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