Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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