drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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