if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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