Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
