I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
