just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
