Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
