i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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