I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
