yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
