Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
