So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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