Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i think i just lost a toe
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
