I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize