Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
nutella sex= disaster
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
