I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
