Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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