Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize