dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
