i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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