Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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