forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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