we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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