i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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