i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
