I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
