Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
