he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
