Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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