Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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