I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
