does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
