Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
