I need to stop coming to work sober
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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