I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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