The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
