We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
