Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize