I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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