Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
