They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
