Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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