he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
