I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
