I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
please come you make the beer taste better
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I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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