I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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