put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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