I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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