onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
