Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this beer tastes like vomit already
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
