put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
