GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
