and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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