I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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