I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
