dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
