"it" just moved
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
