Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
