I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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