Non-Jews are for practice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
