You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
