i don't plan on having that self control this summer
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You're like the curious george of whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize