she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
